Thursday, December 10, 2009

What Would You Do For A Klondike Bar?

You know the ice cream bar- it's supposed to leave you with a icy cold sensation, so big and thick no room for a stick? DO NOT NEED IT. Living the dream EVERY DAY. What I need is a ice cream bar that fills you with a lava like sensation, 'cuz baby, it's cold out there.

An unnamed source says that she went to bed the other night after carriage driving and it took forever for her back fat to defrost. We've been relying on our charcoal foot heaters, chemical handwarmers, and layer upon layer of clothing. I've even brought out a short robe I made of double thick Polar Fleece and have started wearing it over the top of everything. Wease says we need t-shirts with a false Tuxedo on the front and a sign on the back saying, "I am NOT Homeless, I am a Carriage Driver." The problem is, where do you find them in a 7XL? Because I have so much on the next thing I can wear over the top of it all is a two-man pup tent.

It's to the point that if you drop something on the ground you have to decide if it's worth bending over and picking it up, because just bending over is a chore that leaves you dizzy and breathless because you cut off your oxygen to do it. You dropped a glove? Yeah, I'd get that. A quarter? Not so much. Probably not a dollar either, especially if it's a Susan B. Anthony and not paper.

The temp on Tuesday dropped to 2 degree at 11 pm. Today our high is 21, the low, 7. And that's without a wind chill. So on Saturday when it's projected to be in the 30's it'll feel like a heat wave.

So I'm off now to the grocery store. I need to stock up on more charcoal and snacks to stoke the furnace of my soul for calories to burn so I can keep warm.

How are you keeping warm? Have you resorted to the pup tent yet?

6 comments:

Texanne said...

It's cold here, too. Not high desert cold, but very cold for us--and very early to be this cold. My cat, poor baby who lives in the garage because my family members (who, you know, might someday find a mo to come see us) are so allergic--my cat is uncommonly fat and uncommonly furry. I've never seen her like this. Okay, she was a stray, but we've had her almost five years, and she's just never been so big and woolly. I looked at her a couple of months ago and I though, if she were a black woolly caterpillar, I'd say we were in for one heckuva winter. Wow, the word verification strings are getting long and strange.

Sagebrusheq said...

Ans: Long johns, wool, silk, goose down, and Bushmills.
The weather here has been great: near or below 0 every night and teens in the day with no snow since the lakes froze over: black ice. Oh my heck, my old bod is falling apart but what a wonderful week it's been.

Slave Driver said...

Sasgebrush,

I hope you don't have to be out in those temps for six hours at a time like we do. 'Cuz brrrrrrr! It finally warmed up to a balmy 35 here. But of course then we got tons of snow. Yee haw.

Belle's personal assistant said...

Whine and Complain, its not cold in Utah!!! -32 F, now that is cold!

Just Kidding! I have gotten frost bite a few times driving! It hurts! Yet another reason why I have so many problems with my hands

Christina said...

Yeah... And to think that the lower temp limit in Philly is 26 degrees WINDCHILL, because "OMG! Those poor horsies might get cold!"

What about the sherpa on the driver's seat?

Slave Driver said...

Christina,
We do get the occasional comment, "Are the horses cold?" to which we reply " No, they skin is thicken than ours, they have a thick layer of sub-q fat and their wearing a FUR COAT!" (Duh!)