Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Dogzilla vs. MENSA

First of all, on Sunday, I put up my pool. It was sunny and in the upper 60's. I wore shorts, and started working on my base tan.

Then Monday morning came, and along with it, this:

Unfreakin' believable.

Anyway, here's the "real" blog.

I've often told carriage driver trainees:
"You don’t have to be real smart to do this job, but you do have to be smarter than the horse."

Most qualify, some do not. I've had trainees who were barely smarter than the carriage.

I believe it's the same with dogs. It doesn’t take a genius to anticipate a problem. If you know your dog has issues, for example, chewing on everything it can get its teeth around, then you must accept the fact that if left to its own devices your dog will, as a matter of course, plow through all of your posessions like Godzilla snacking his way through Tokyo.

Every year I put my little above-ground pool up in my back yard. As such, the pool requires two main things: power to the filter, and hoses running from the filter to/from the pool. These things are external, and thus susceptible to dog-noshing. Especially if the dog in question could be transported back to the Jurassic period and hold her own. Easily. So, knowing this, I planned a pre-emptive strike in an effort to avoid unwanted surprises.

One: To keep my dog from chewing up the power cord, I used the frame from a previous pool to create a power cord pipeline.

Two: To keep my dog from chewing the flexible water hoses we installed two eight foot segments of PVC fence which keep her from accessing the area behind the pool where the pump is.

Three: to keep her from further chewing the rubber caps on the end of the pool ladder (Although my yard is fenced, I keep the ladder out of the pool so as not to allow unauthorized access. Read: my neighbors free-range children) I have turned the ladder upside down. Although this is inconvenient, it's easier then replacing the ladder.

A policy has also been instigated in our house of "No door left open." So, each and every portal to each and every room is closed up tight. This prevents our shoes, used Kleenex, and ball point pens from ending up strewn across the back yard in various states of disembodied, unrecognizable matter. That policy has been put in place because of this:

The carriage company owners require that the drivers tilt the seats in the passenger compartment "up", so the barn dogs, Harley and Rudy, can't sleep in them and ruin the upholstery.

Why not just teach the dogs not to sleep in the carriages in the first place, you ask?

Because, as the owners are fond of saying,

"It's easier to train the humans than it is to train the dogs."


Belle's personal assistant said...

Not all of the humans ARE easier to train than the dogs, but fortunately, many of the REALLY dumb as a box of rocks trainees don't make it to driver. All the time put into training drivers really paid off when I became a teacher. I have learned to be VERY specific. I tell the students the instructions, I have them written, I ask if they understand and still, they act all surprised when they get a question wrong because they did not follow the instructions.

Sorry, soapbox again.
Its finals day.

GatorPerson said...

Title for the 1st pic: Study in aqua and sepia.

rssasrb said...

So funny, SD. As an owner of large dogs I can relate. My first dog, a lab ate a wall, a window sill, a step, a chair arm, several books, a music box and lord knows what else before I finally got her to stop using bitter apple and tabasco sauce. Since it was an apartment, it's lucky I had an uncle who was good with tools to fix everything when I moved. Since then I have learned about crate training.

Love your ingenuity.

Lisa Deon said...

I believe that many a good dog has been saved by crates. Every critter, like every person, has issues. And I can deal with issues, but not when I'm out of the house and the dog is left roaming freely in the house. We never use "the box" as punishment, and Luna runs for the box when we say the word because she knows that when she goes in she gets a Nylabone filled with peanut butter or Cheeze wiz.

The outside of the house is a different story. My pansys have been sprayed with bitter apple because Luna pulls them out of the planter and deposits them randomly around the yard. The hose I used to fill the pool has teeth marks somewhere in the middle ( I found this after I wrapped it back onto its spool...) and squirts out when I fill her water dish which, when low, gets carried to a different location and chewed on.

I'm seriously considering redecorating in items made from concrete.

The Merry said...

I love every beat I hear of a drum.

GG said...

*pant pant Pant*

I...Think...I...Finally...Caught guys.

That rat-a tat-tat, a bright uniform;

The Merry said...

Here, GP, have some lemonade. Quick marching is hard work when you're dressing up in that very fetching attire :)

Lisa Deon said...

I love a parade.

Lisa Deon said...

Ok, gang? Where are we going from here???

The Merry said...

Hey, it's getting a bit crowded in here. I think the band leader got trampled on and decided to head for home.
Let's go see, shall we?