Thursday, February 25, 2010

XXX's & OOO's

There is a movement on the East coast sponsored by the simplistic RARA's to punish Nivea for a clever advertising campaign they initiated on Valentine's Day. As usual, the Anti-Equestrian Eco-Terrorists have gathered their pitchforks & torches, twisted their undies into an unpleasant and chafing bunch and are trying to hit a company that produces a legal product advertised in conjunction with another legal business. So, you know, the same old tired crapola.

You know what would be great? If the RARA's would go and help horses that actually needed it instead of ours that don't warrant any of their unwanted "attention."

Well, two can play at that game. The RARA's have started an emailing movement, sending vapid letters to management listing their concerns about the "exploited, dispirited creatures." So, if you feel that giving an animal a job is not cruel or abusive, may I suggest that in a show of solidarity you do the following:

Send these people an email showing your approval for their ad campaign and the horse drawn carriage industry. Tell them that you support free enterprise, and you will buy their skin care products.

Nivea Executives, Beiersdorf, Inc.

Iain Holding-President iholding@bdfusa.com

Kathy Shea – COO kshea@bdfusa.com

Gary Sharpe – CFO gsharpe@bdfusa.com

Thomas Bellina - Treasurer tbellina@bdfusa.com

Leslie Kickham – Nivea promotion lkickham@bdfusa.com

PMK-BNC, Public Relations firm

Maggie Katz maggie.kaatz@pmkbnc.com
Christina Stejskal, christina.stejskal@pmkbnc.com



May I suggest you cut and paste something along the lines of the following into the body of the email:

Dear Person Who Works For A Company That Didn't Do Anything Wrong But Is Being Persecuted By A Group Of Self Righteous Morons Who Have No Idea What They Are Talking About,

You go, girl!
(or guy; change the designation according to who you are sending this to. If their name is Pat, Chris, or Sal, consider using "Person" or "Citizen" so as not to offend.) Thank you for utilizing the New York carriage horses in your campaign. Not only does it show the world these productive, healthy and well cared for animals, but it also displays your superior taste and above average intelligence.

To show support for your fabulous advertising initiative, the next time I am at a store that sells your product I'm going to buy a butt-load of it. Really. Because I have dry skin. And when I say "Dry Skin" I mean that Armadillos and Gila monsters mock me because their hides are luxurious and glowing compared to mine.

Anyway, your ad caught my eye and fueled my imagination. Not only that, but the next time I pass a horse drawn carriage I think I'm going to take a carriage ride. And tip the driver. Big.

My skin thanks you for producing a superior product. And the carriage horses thank you because they have jobs, which apparently the RARA's don't have, which explains all the free time they have which they use to instigate imbecilic letter writing campaigns instead of, you know, looking for a job.

Sincerely,


Then, you know, add your name. And feel free to change the above text so it doesn't sound quite so eclectic. Or frightening.

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10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Assholes, welcome to the new club!
Everyone wants to get into the act!

Slave Driver said...

There's a club for this?

Anonymous said...

SLAVE DRIVER - RAMBLINGS from an IDIOT; CAN'T FIND A BETTER JOB then carriage driving, … MOUTHY & OPINIONATED ... YES, these are just some of the words that describe you arrogant, stupid, worthless morons. You think this is clever...it's not.

Slave Driver said...

You forgot stinky-butt doodie head.

And it is clever, but understanding humor necessitates a certain level of intelligence, which, genetically, you appear to lack.

BCB said...

SD, I think it's an awesome post! Very well said and also quite funny.

Interesting that the "defenders" of this misguided and obviously uninformed group are only able to resort to yelling anonymous invective rather than presenting a rational argument. Telling, isn't it. Really not worthy of your attention.

Keep doing what you do. I'm going to go buy some Nivea.

The Merry said...

Since they're all labeled "anonymous" that means it's just one person leaving all these message on people's blogs. Kinda like Santa Claus, although not quite so jolly.
Clearly, someone with such a heavy workload doesn't have time to sit down and present a logical argument. They have to move on to the next chimney, metaphorically speaking.

The Merry said...

p.s. Next time I have an argument, I will try to work the phrase "stinky-butt doodie head" in. :)

McB said...

I love that commercial!

Anonymous said...

I agree with what you're saying, but could you please do it in a more professional manner? Name-calling and sarcasm get peoples' attention, but not in the good way. The way you worded your post sounds very immature, especially the sample letter you made.

Lou said...

A long time ago I was once married to a man who drove horses for a living. He passionately cared about his horses and took excellent care of them.

If the horses in the carriage trade are mistreated, it shows. The folks who ride in the carriages would notice and complain.

Hence the great care that carriage horses enjoy!