Wednesday, May 27, 2009

The Candy Dish Exposé

I've been busy once again. You see, during the winter months I occasionally ski, work my ass off during Christmas carriage ride season, lounge around at Sundance for the month of January, and have time to write. In the summer I have the sun to worship, a pool that requires maintenance, and I try and get a lot of reading in. Also this month I've been working on a piece that is supposed to go into an e-book my sister-in-law is publishing.

EEK!

Writing this blog is low stress, although I'm occasionally at a loss as to what I should present to you. Did you want to hear about the bloodthirsty croquet game the guys played on Memorial Day? Doubtful. The number of doors slammed in the Kids face when she went begging for Strut Your Mutt donations? Too many to list. At the very least I try and keep it entertaining, but the awful truth is thus: my life is boring, and there just isn't all that much to write home about.

Combine that with the fact that I never have my blogs critiqued before I post them. Although I write them in "MS Word", I frequently will miss typos or formatting issues until after it's posted and then go back and fix the mistakes. And of course there is the crappy sentence structure, the nonsensical paragraphs, unnecessary words, and my tendency to write in run-ons. Or fragments. Being that the 1500-2000 word essay needed for the afore mentioned e-book will be out of my control after I hit that "send" button, I've had to be a bit more cautious during the construction of the piece.

My sister-in-law runs a business that has to do with online networking. She has asked me to write a chapter about my passion. Of course by now you know that my passion is horses, and writing. But writing this blog is a lot like making your mom a ceramic candy dish. You be as creative as you can, glaze and fire that puppy, then wrap it in tissue and present it to her with a huge amount of pride. Now, imagine your mom lives in the Guggenheim and your ceramic candy dish, complete with your childish hand print smack dab in the middle and sloppy glaze sags down the side, will be displayed for the world to see.

It raises the stakes a bit, doesn't it?

So that's what I've been doing. Revising a short essay, based on critiques from my group, that will eventually be published in an e-book. For me writing something that others will read is a lot like standing in front of strangers naked. You folks, who visit here regularly, are not "strangers", and I never receive a critique from you on the regular blah blah posts. Okay, except for the guy from England who found me by happenstance while looking for a software development company with the name "Slave Driver." He stopped in long enough to advise me that my personality was "Contrived" and recommended that I should "Relax".

Clearly he doesn't know me, and has never witnessed my behavior after a glass or six of "Franzia Crisp White". Which, by the way, is yummy, and luckily comes in a 5 liter box, complete with a spout, which is just hella convenient.

So when you expose yourself to others, naked, you allow them the luxury of anonymous commentary. "You're chocked-full-of cellulite here; you have a nasty scar there, and gosh but you could sure stand to lose fifteen or twenty pound, eh?" So I am on a quest to revise and rewrite a piece that will soon expose me, and I'm doing everything I can to fix the flaws.

So, please bear with me. I'll post the "Passion Piece" when I'm finally ready to hit send. Until then, enjoy a photo of "The Ugliest Clogs Known To Man," courtesy of my neighborhood Wal-Mart.

4 comments:

ddusty said...

I have not seen all of the clogs in the world, but those certainly do seem--marbelized? But, Slave Driver, they are pink inside! How sexy is that? Best wishes with the candy dish, too.

About that non-intuitive limey: post us a link to his blog and we'll overrun his snotty self. Librarians at the gate! With gats! Bats! Compact OEDs!

REDIF. Redif by land, blueif by sea.

Slave Driver said...

Dusty, good to see you again. Hope all is well in "clap-clap-clap-clap-"

Unlike my most favored footwear, the Flip-Flop, the ugly clogs (should we re-name them Uglogs?) protect my toes from immersion in the dreaded unseen pile of doggy-doo that the canine members of my family like to hide in the yard.
The fact thay they were $2.50(yes, I am notoriously cheap) was the incentive for the purchase. After a summer spent tromping though dog crap with them, I will simply throw them away. No muss, no fuss. Hasta la bye-bye, fugly shoes.

As for our blith spirit Brit; he left no trace, posting as an ANON, popping in long enough to critique my personality and POOF! Escaped back into the Net from whence he came. He lives to flame another day.

Belle's personal assistant said...

Hey, you have to expect criticism. Stephenie Meyer, J.K. Rowling, Stephen King, etc. all received criticism, but they are all now rollin' in the dough. But then I haven't read anything of yours that deals with romantic vampires fighting off evil back from the dead wizards that shove little old suicide wishing hags down the stairs, either.
But that story from valentines day was pretty cool.

Slave Driver said...

BPA, I chatted with Stace on messenger the other day and she raved about how good Belle looked. I went back and looked again and want to compliment you on her care. She really does look good. Fit.