Thursday, October 22, 2009

Rules? Nobody Told Me About Any Stinking RULES!

New rules for bloggers: If you review or endorse something, you must disclose if you received any compensation for doing so.

Okay, that's fair. But here's the deal…I had no idea that there were any rules to begin with. Now, I'm familiar with the term libel, and rarely go far enough in my rants to open myself to a lawsuit. I'm also smart enough to follow the old adage, "You never shit in your own backyard." But that's more of a guideline than a law, anyway. So hearing that they were rules regarding bloggers which fall under advertising

News to me.

So, in the interest of full disclosure, I want to advise all of you about the following items which I use and endorse and if someone wants to PAY me to endorse them, well, bring it on…

Cash: I use cash. I like it a lot. Cash is my favorite kind of currency. If you currently manufacture cash and are looking for an enthusiastic cash endorser, I'm your girl. I'll even be happy to do an info-mercial and demonstrate how cash is used and the way it works. By the way, any samples of cash you give me for demonstration purposes, I get to keep.

My tag line: Cash, it's what the world wants.

Food: I like food, and am willing to endorse food. Except for tofu, you can keep that shit all to yourself. I'm talking real food, the kind of food that things must die in order for you to get it. Beef, popcorn, cheap wine and chocolate top my personal food pyramid, so if you have any of those things and want me to endorse them, bring it, I'm game.

My tag line: Food, it's what's for eatin'.

Sleep: I love sleep and get as much sleep as I possibly can, although there are times when it seems that sleep is in very short supply around here. So, if you want to pay me to sleep for you? I can do that. I'll even give you a "sleep endorsement" discount.

My tag line: Sleep, so easy you can do it in your sleep.

(It should be clear to you now why I never dabbled in advertising)

I also endorse such random things as personal hygiene, television and movies, music, and clothing. Especially clothing, except anything made from Lycra. There are very few people in the world who can pull off Lycra. I know I can't, and my eyeballs are tired of being traumatized by those who think they can, but can't. Seriously. Which is why I also endorse mirrors, and I mean real mirrors, not the fun house kind that make short fat people look all tall and thin. And if you are not sure if your mirror is operating properly, you might need to have it calibrated. To do this you weigh yourself (top number), and measure for height (bottom number). If the top number greatly exceeds the bottom, you cannot wear Lycra, which your mirror should plainly prove. For example, my numbers are 154/65. That translates to "No Lycra for me."

My tag line: Mirrors, they should not be ignored.

I also endorse books, and to demonstrate my endorsement, I'm going to end this and get back to editing mine.

Paid endorsement proposals can be directed to:

Thank you for your support.


April M. Williams said...

Interesting how movies and TV shows can integrate paid product placements without disclosure, celebrities can accept products for personal use but things are different in the blog world.

FYI. I'll do the paid tofu product reviews.

April M. Williams

Serena said...

HA ha!! That is awesome. You and i are EXACTLY the same size--no Lycra for me either!!

Lisa Deon said...

April, the tofu is all yours.


I have often wished that the powers that be in the cosmetic surgery arena would quit developing new and (quite frankly weird) implants, and work on figuring out how to remove fat from unwanted areas and inject in into the heels of my feet, thus giving my height a boost by, say, an inch or two.

But do those DRB's ever listen to me? No.

And while my numbers denote that I am not a Lycra candidate, as a carriage driver I've developed considerable upper body muscle mass, thus making me resemble a member of a 1970's era Soviet Block all women's wrestling team.

Minus, of course, the babushka.