Monday, June 22, 2009

All The Pretty Horses

Note: I started writing this blog entry a while ago and then, for whatever reason, stopped. Today I was net surfing and ran across the blog of Dan Piraro, the person who writes the comic "Bizarro". His depiction of big fat tourists climbing into a NYC carriage being pulled by a surly looking carriage horse and the diatribe that followed once again pissed me off because of the inability of animal activists to see any side of any issue but their own slanted one. They spew rhetoric which is untrue and lump the industry into one gigantic specter of horse beating, food withholding, money grubbing, Snidley Whiplashes who sit on top of the carriage box in our black top hat and Dickinsonian Cape, twirling the ends of our mustaches.

Oh, yeah, we also go, "Mwahahhhhhhh," and dream of tying damsels to railroad track for some odd reason.


There are blogs and websites out there whose sole purpose is to shut down the carriage driving industry. Apparently we are all bad, nasty, cruel folk who are ignorant about horses, can't negotiate through traffic, beat our animals and make them work every day of their lives until they drop dead right there on the street. Then, I guess, we give them one final vicious kick, just for funzies, and walk away leaving a trail of money in our wake because, apparently, we also fart cash.



Now, I know I will probably live to regret the above paragraph, because someone will copy the text, careful to omit certain words, and paste it into a message board somewhere, totally out of context, and decree; "Look, this one even admits it!"

Okey dokey, then. So here's the deal; Horses are large herbivores that have been domesticated for thousands of years. They have their own agenda, which really has nothing to do with ours, but this is the kicker: They're willing to do what we ask of them (work). In exchange, we're willing to do what they ask of us (food/shelter). It's a good trade, and in this economy I see humans asking for the same thing with an increasing amount of regularity.

Now, if you want to argue that because of advances in transportation, we no longer need horses to pull people around in carriages, that's true. But taking a page from the current economic situation, if we do that then we have all these unemployed carriage horses.

A RARA (Radical Animal Rights Activist) will reason that the now unemployed horses can then be "Put out to pasture", to live the remainder of their lives in some magical happy horse valley surrounded by green grass, clear streams and, apparently, rainbows. In this nirvana they will never require veterinary or farrier care, and the Wood Sprites will stop by to groom them.

How wonderful! I bet it's located right next to the lush and fertile land that abused and neglected children, refugees from war torn nations, and Michael Vick's pit bulls live!

Oh, wait, I know where M'Vicks dogs live. That would be Kanab, UT. The land there is neither lush nor fertile, although it is awesome red rock country. And the dogs live on a sanctuary that is constantly asking for donations.

The reality is, there is no such thing as a free lunch. Someone has to put up the money for the property, fence it in, make sure there are enough sources of fresh water for the tenants, and then open wide the gates for the crush of horses being "retired." T. Boone Picken's wife, Madeleine, offered to do this when, a few months back, the BLM was considering euthanizing a large number of the mustangs they are the stewards of because the herds were overpopulated and the land they were on could not support all of them. Let me translate that for you. The "wild" horses the Petards think live idyllic and bliss-filled lives were starving to death so their management team was going to have them killed.

Wow, sounds like heaven to me. Where do I sign up?

(To date, Mrs. Pickins has not done anything since her initial offer. Talk, as they say, is cheap. Land, however, is not.)

The real "awful truth" that Anti-Equestrienne-Eco-Terrorists don't want you to hear is this:

Our horses are better taken care of than a lot of people. In exchange for taking humans on a little ride around town, they are fed, housed, groomed, doctored, have their hooves attended to and loved.

Yes, I said that. Loved. Because I love Cletus, and I love Tony just as much as you love your pet. And trust me, if Cletus wasn't willing to do his job, all 150 pounds of me could not possibly force all 1800 pounds of him into it. That. Just. Doesn't. Work.

In conclusion, because unlike PETA and ALF and the rest of the Ban Carriage Horses Now! dweebs, I don't ask for money, throw paint on people, or exploit women as a way of drawing attention to my "cause". I'll do what I've always done when I run across someone who is misinformed and insists on spreading the PETA agenda. And that is this;

Every day I add a new name to list of people who can kiss my ass.

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

As you say, you have too much time on your hands.

You know what they say about the shoe fitting .....

Mark James said...

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ddusty said...

This is Dusty speaking, a real, live, very busy human being.

You make so much sense, and so much humor. We have a dog of a breed that needs to have work to do. He can't type, so we let him carry the water bottles (or will, when he is old enough) for his own drinks while we're out on walks with him. Animals need dignity, and to a large degree, dignity flows from having a job.

You do know you can make comments go poof!, don't you? Sometimes it's the humane thing to do. Dorks don't realize you can trace them back to their home addresses.

BCB said...

I don't know horses, but I know dogs. Not little yappy dogs, but big strong black lab dogs. Working dogs. And, like horses I suspect, they LOVE to work. They need to work. They get all sad and mope around the place if they don't have any work they can do for you.

Not at all like children, I might add.

They love to DO STUFF. Like fetch the tennis ball. Or destroy the couch pillows. Or pull you at terrifyingly high speed down the street at the end of a leash. Or rein.

Not all of us animal lovers fail to get it.

Mrs Mom said...

Well, all I have to say here is:

A-FRICKEN-MEN!

Nicely done post, and your closing line fits perfectly.

Stay safe out there, and Drive On! ;)

Belle's personal assistant said...

All horses need something to do. It's their purpose in life. Belle absolutely loves barrels. She seriously sucks at them, but she loves them. Foxy has had the past two weeks off and she used that time to cause problems and pick on Belle. Foxy loves to be ridden. She loves her owner. He refers to her as his twin. They are best buds. Belle was my friend and confidant through a rough patch in my life. I was fortunate enough to be able to afford to take care of her when she decided that she no longer wanted to pull a carriage. She is not an inexpensive horse. She requires a lot of time and money to maintain her health. In return, I have a friend that I can trust and rely on for grounding from the crazy world that we live in. My children are learning that life involves hard work and that chores may not be pretty or easy, but are necessary for the fun things in life.

I refer to myself as Belle's Personal Assistant for a reason.

CyborgSuzy said...

I'm so used to the nonsensical, hypocritical nonsense that comes out of the RARA crowd, it hardly seems worth responding to.

What really gets me is when this same BS comes from the mouths of other horse people. The way I found your blog in the first place was when you (I think, or one of your friends) responded to a ridiculous blog post written by an otherwise smart and practical horse-person who is against ALL city carriage horses because... well, they never really articulated how a horse working at pulling a carriage is so different from a horse who works at dressage, or jumping, or racing, or working cows, or... etc, etc.

I mean, really. Logic, please. A well-cared for horse is the same no matter where it lives and works. Whether that's in the city, in the country, or on a colony on Mars. Food/water, shelter, health care, exercise and mental stimulation are the necessities, and carriage horses seem to have those taken care of.

Likewise, an abused/neglected horse is an abused horse no matter where it lives, even if that's in a 40 acre grassy valley with rainbows.

Slave Driver said...

"Class, I'd like to direct your attention to this comment up here;"

Slave Driver pulls out her Swiss Army knife and using the laser pointer feature, highlights the comment left by "Anonymous".

"This, class, is what we in the business refer to as a 'Drive-By Shouting.' It's what the RARA's do as they pass us in the safety and anonymity of their emission spewing vehicles that run on fossil fuel. Class, can anyone tell me exactly how many Dinosaurs have to die to make a gallon of gasoline?"

Cue sound of crickets chirping

"All of them, boys and girls, all of them. Now, using a show of hands, how many of you know that Ugg boots are made from sheep? All of you? I'm impressed class. It's too bad that someone didn't let Pamela Anderson, a PETA spokesmonkey, know that before she wore hers out in public. Tsk, Tsk."

"Next, class, we're going to break this comment down to its basic structure. First, we have the misquote;"

'As you say, you have too much time on your hands.'

"Now class, who can tell me why this is incorrect? Yes, Dusty, I see your hand is raised but you have to let some of the other students answer for a change…That's right! The correct quote is 'has way too much free time', not 'too much time on your hands'. That's almost the title of a song by Styx. Excellent. Alright now, we'll move on to part two of the comment.

'You know what they say about the shoe fitting…"

"I know my farrier says 'If the shoe fits, nail it on, clip off the sharp ends and tack them down.' Class, does anyone know which shoe Anonymous is talking about? Is Anonymous trying to infer that I have a moustache or that I work my horse to death and then give him a kick at the end? Because I have to tell you class, dragging a 1800 pound dead horse back to the barn at the end of the night is a LOT of frickin' work and really, I'm way too lazy for that shit. I do, however, have a mustache, but I bleach it."

"Anyway, class is dismissed for today. I have to go into my vault, count my piles of gold, and add another name to my list. Right underneath 'Pink!'."

Belle's Personal Assistant @school said...

Maybe the shoe fitting was mouthy and opinionated? Which is true, but since you already admit that. . .
And to be stuck with Anonymous. . . even when I have to comment at school where I can't log in, I will admit to exactly who I am.
Tacky, tacky.

peeba76 said...

AMEN. Oh, the rara's. Its only a matter of time until the rest of the world gets wind of their REAL agenda. I have faith. Everyday more and more people come by Central Park and voice their support of our industry. More and more I am hearing how "ridiculous" most people find the peta agenda to be.

Belle's Personal Assistant @school said...

I think that these eco-terrorists will be their own worst enemy. The whole thing about the fly "execution" is hilarious.

I have been known to kill flies on a regular basis. I have fly strips, I use fly spray. I am even pretty dang good at killing giant horse flies with team lines. Now I might be an extremist, but when Red or Mikey had a fly, it was best to kill a small invertebrate, than have the blood sucker aggravate my coworker/friend. (and it sounds really cool when the exoskeleton is crushed!)

Anonymous said...

I'm writing a book about the animal rights movement. They use to omit insects from their list of "animals that must not be harmed." But a priest in Germany got on top of the ar movement for using religion as a backbone. He stated that in order to claim religious beliefs about animals the movement had to claim they were against killing any living thing. A Hindu sect claims this order. So now HSUS is claiming it. The movement is full of thiefs and killers.

Slave Driver said...

I was working and/or not near a television when the Obama vs Fly kerfluffle was happening last week. My husband had to explain it to me and then commented:

"So, do PETA people cry all the way down the highway for all the bugs they kill while going 55?"

I believe it was in 2007 that PETA destroyed more than 50% of the dogs they "saved".

In 2008 ALF (Animal Liberationn Front)allegedly "Liberated" almost 500 mink from a farm in Bountiful, UT. Very few were recovered. The rest were killed by domesticated pets, run over by cars, or died of exposure.

So, if I'm ever in a situation where I need to be "rescued", PETA and ALF would be the LAST F*CKING people on EARTH I would want "helping" me. I'm sure my poor horse and my dogs would feel the same.

Slave Driver said...

And Anonymous#2 I have read aboout that Hindu sect, they use a broom to sweep a path in front as they walk so they do not kill any bugs by accident.

Just thinking about it makes my back ache.

Slave Driver said...

Ok I guess I can take a break from reading and finish answering the comments:

Mark James,
Thanks, but I'm good. I'll keep my blog ad free. I'm also ok with the size of my manhood and my printer ink.
Dusty and BCB,
My Border collie was happiest when working the sheep on our farm. After we moved to Utah and he was retired he decided it was his "job" to keep my back yard bird free.
Mrs Mom and Cyborg Suzy,
Thanks for weighing in on the issue. I appreciate your support.
Peeba,
Man, I feel for you especially with the crap you guys out east have to take with the humane society nazis. Hang in there brother.

BPA,
yeah.

Belle's personal assistant said...

Reason #157843 of why I live in Wyoming.
People here hunt. They eat meat. They enjoy a GOOD rodeo. Kids are applauded for raising 4-H animals.


Oops, I just applied to work for a place out of Jackson.


I am doomed.

Slave Driver said...

BPA

That's funny because we just started a guy who used to work outside of Jackson here.

As SageBrushEQ says. it's a small world when you're a horse person.

IrishLassie said...

I read this a few days ago in hospital. I wanted to respond but was busy, obviously.
It would be nice to see members of these animal rights clubs get a more rounded base of knowledge.
However, I know that's not going to happen. Humans by nature cant help but express themselves.
What would be nice to to see the anger and determination that is shown by such clubs, put towards some really serious issues.
Such as gang activity, child abuse, senior abuse, homelessness or even saving the trees that are being cut down to print all their miss information on. I mean common, that alone could make an impact.
As for Pam Anderson... *snorts laughter* Spokespersons such as herself, are perfect for such clubs. I mean how many rats died testing her implants before she herself went in for a bigger bust?
Leave it to PETA to do such things...