Thursday, April 2, 2009

Notes on a Standal

I know, my puns suck mightily, but it's not my fault. I have a condition, like Tourettes, or OCD, and I just can't help myself. I'll be joining a 12 step soon, I just need a leg up.

See what I mean? Anyway, I went to check on Stan today. For you first timers "Stan" is the name I've given to the sarcoid on my horse. Dreamer, that would be my horse, is getting pretty tired of the attention Stan's getting. I could tell this right off today when I got out to the barn. You see, it was supposed to be spring. The calendar says it's spring; two weeks ago we had weather in the 70s, but today? Cold, windy, overcast. In other words, crap.

The reason for the weather report? Well, it explains this:

My horse is a candy-ass pansy. I attribute this to his upbringing. He was a show horse since he was born, and was taught to stay clean. For years he minced around mud puddles and refused to walk through water. He doesn't even eat apples like other horses. He makes you hold it while he takes delicate little bites. He's a 1000 pound little girl.

So when I got there I went to get him out of his pen. He was standing in the corner, and refused to come anywhere near the gate, even though his harem girl was all over me and the carrots I brought for a bribe. I couldn't help but notice that out of the entire paddock, he's found the high ground.

Mind you, it's cold and windy, I've driven all the way out here and then forgot my &^%*&^*& checkbook, so I have to return tomorrow to pay board, and I'm supposed to meet my friend Doree for lunch so I'm trying to stay somewhat clean (not happening), and Mr. Butthead is refusing to cooperate. So I get a can, put a little Strategy in it, and finally coerce him to the gate. I can't say as I blame him; he did after all have to wade through this:

And this should give you some perspective as to the depth of the ooze.

Slip-sliding all the way across the barn lot, I tie him to the fence, put the rubber gloves on and smear some Xxterra on Stan.

This Was Stan last week:

This was Stan today. What do you think? I don't see much change.

Dreamer is being relatively well behaved for this, but when I try to apply the fourmaline to the back half of Stan, Dreamer starts being a pig about it and shows me his butt. This is my first warning. The butt means "Go away." Next he lifts his left rear leg. He doesn't do anything with it, he just holds it there. This is warning #2. I yelled at him and he behaved but clearly he is not happy with the Stan Plan. I'm sure to him it seems that every time I visit, he gets yanked away from his friends, tied to the fence, doped up, then Stan either gets fondled, sliced, frozen or smeared.

Dreamer's mad as hell and he's not going to take it anymore.

So the next time I visit, which will be tomorrow, since I have to pay board and forgot my stupid checkbook today, I'm just gonna take him out and let him play. Give him lots of treats, which I will have to hold as he takes little nibbles, and I will brush him until it looks like there's been a blizzard, except it's hair.

I suppose worming him is not a smart idea. At least for a week or two.

PS; I'm lovin' the new camera. :)


Belle's personal assistant said...

Honestly, Stan does look less angry and a bit diminished.

As much as I hate cleaning stalls when I would rather play with Lady or ride Belle, its better than wading through that muck!

Peeporma-- Which would you rather have for Easter (chick or lamb)

Unknown said...

"He doesn't even eat apples like other horses. He makes you hold it while he takes delicate little bites. " Haha one of the lesson horses at my barn does that. It's so funny! Boy am I glad that I live in FL and have no mud! ahhh sunshine :]

Lisa Deon said...

Yes, Ally, but on the upside we don't have Hurricanes, or Palmetto Bugs.

Skyahesi- "Hea look up ata da skyahesi it stilla freakin'a snowin'"

Anonymous said...

So that's Belle! She is such a critter as ought not to be crossed, or she gives that impression. Great photo, too. Should be cross-stitched and hung over the mantel. Mantel, not the TV set.

Glad y'all got the Indian food all straightened out. Around here we like to put a little curry powder in the mutton soup and fry bread.

TOCKOSMI--What Hirohito would say to Rowan & Martin?

Lisa Deon said...

Different Belle. There is Horse Belle who is a Clydesdale and has a P.A, and Wease's Belle, who is a blue healer dog, and once rolled over and became a Pee fountain, managing to urinate all over ~A~'s foot.

Anonymous said...

Pee fountain? Remember, you started this:
Not My Blog, BTW.

Dusty, who knows better than to sign in.